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Sunday, July 3, 2011

chapter 4

It was horror. There were hundreds of wolves half the size of a man surrounding them in a corner, all baring their teeth towards the two of them. Neville was in the front, shielding Nadelle, as if that would save them from harm.

“Why the hell are they attacking us?” Neville shrieked while taking a step backward, though there was no room left behind him.

“Gee, I don’t know, Neville. Maybe because we’re trespassing.” Nadelle said sarcastically, giving him a glare. Neville was sweating like mad when he saw the drool from the wolves’ mouth. They seemed like they had not eaten for weeks and the two human in front of them were a godsend meal for them.

“Nadelle, if I don’t make it tonight,” he swallowed his saliva down his throat. It seemed it was the hardest thing to do. “Tell mom I love her. And you can keep all my comic books. And…”

“Shut up, Neville. What makes you think I can make it out when you can’t?”

“Good point.”

They both hugged each other as they waited for their lives to end by the vicious wolves, praying in their hearts that all this madness is nothing but a dream and they were going to wake any minute. They closed their eyes, arms still around each other, wishing that when they opened it, they would be on their beds, sweating as if they have just finished marathon, that this was all just a nightmare.
Out of nowhere, they heard a shriek, but it was no human. It was loud and deafening. After that, they heard the wolves were yelping in pain, as if they were being attacked.  Neville could feel there were liquid splashed at his face. It felt like blood when he touched it. He dared to open his eyes, and he was bewildered by what was bestowed in front of him. He noticed that the roof of the barrack was ripped apart, and in front of them stood a mythical animal that he had read in storybooks when he was a child. Its body filled half the space of the barrack, with its back facing them and its head was beyond the roof. It has the body of a lion and a head and wings of an eagle. When the wolves tried to loom towards the beast, it swiftly flicked its tail, sending the wolves flying in the air. Its giant beak was tearing some of the wolves apart. The rest of the wolves fled as fast as they can, trying to spare their lives from becoming the 
creature’s supper.

“Now, now, Alamora, don’t go overboard. We need only to rescue them, not gobble down your supper,” a woman appeared besides the creature with a smile on her flawless feature. She was wearing a grey robe, sweeping the floor. Slowly, the creature turned into a shape of a man unclothed, his back still facing both Nadelle and Neville. With a wave of her hand, a black robe appeared wrapping around him.

“Well, they’re not that delectable anyway,” Alamora turned to face the woman whilst cleaning his teeth with his finger. Then, he turned his attention to both Nadelle and Neville; both were gawking at what they had witnessed. Can this night be any more bizarre, they wondered.

The woman in the white robe came closer to them, blinding them with her radiance. She was on one knee so that they could see each other at eye level. All this time, she never stopped smiling.

“Are you alright, young ones?” her voice was mellow, as if a tune is strung from her vocal cord. After a while, they managed a nod. She extended both of her delicate hands to help both of them to stand up.

“My name is Alwyn Almidore,” she bowed her head slightly, “and this,” she pointed at the man, “is Alamora Pensville.” Then she looked back at both of them. “At your service.”

“Look,” Nadelle said, looking cautious at both of the new arrivals, “we’re sorry that we trespassed here. We thought that this place was abandoned. Promised that we will not come here again. So please don’t call our parents. We’ll be outta here in no time.” Neville just nodded, looking anxious through his glasses.
Alwyn let out a chuckle. “We’re here not to cause you problem, Nadelle. We’re here to help.”

“How do you know my name?” Nadelle was curious. She could not have guessed it; her name was one of a kind, or at least, that was her father always told her.
As Alwyn opened her mouth, Alamora touched her shoulder, causing her to focus her attention towards him.

“They’re coming again. We must hurry.” He then turned back into the creature.

“Who’s coming?” Nadelle was getting confused.

“Come, we will discuss this once we get there.” Alwyn ushered both of them to climb on Alamore.

“Wait, where are we going? Who’s coming? Can somebody tell me?!” Nadelle refused to get on Alamore, making Alamore impatient, thus grabbing Nadelle with his tail and flew away from the army.

Nadelle’s fear had become a reality. The night was getting worse.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

as i lay here on the grass late at night, watching the stars in the hours of darkness, i think of you with all my heart. then my mind remembered the silly love songs that used to have no meaning what so ever to me, but now describe how i feel towards you. my lips curled to a smile when i remembered the times we spent together. i looked at the night sky and i can trace your smiling face that i love oh so very much. when you laugh, it really makes my day and it stays on my mind because i keep replaying it over and over again.
1 4 3.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

chapter 3

They arrived at the military base. It was 30 minutes drive from Nadelle’s house.  Then, they had to walk for another hour or so.

“Are you sure we’re heading in the right direction?” Nadelle kept on pestering Neville. She was bored with the scenic, nothing but trees. Well, thay could not really see as it was nightfall, and she barely could make out her surrounding, even with the help of her flashlight.

“of course I’m sure.” Neville said between his breaths. He was trying to read the map that he printed from Google earlier that day before he headed to Nadelle’s house, and she was at no help at all. Nevertheless, he did not mind. Though Nadelle would always complain and threaten him, she never really did what she said. She was kind and loyal, but she was not good expressing it. That was probably why she could not get a friend besides him. She did not mind, she once said, as she was used to being alone all the time.

Suddenly, Neville came to a stop. Nadelle was looking around and did not notice he had stop, so she bumped into him and she almost fell down.

“What the hell, Neville? Shouldn’t you give some kind of warning or something before you stops?” she was feeling her face, which was a little bit sore because she bumped into Neville’s backpack.

“We’re here.” Neville flashed his flashlight, showing an old, rusty gate in front of them. There was a “keep out: authorized personnel only” sign written in red paint hanging on the gate, unbalanced. There was a metal chain locking the gate.

“It’s locked.” Neville said solemnly.

“What do you expect? A welcoming party?”

Seeing Neville hesitated, Nadelle climbed up at the gate.

“Whoa. Stop! Nadelle!”

When she reached the other side, she looked at Neville through the gate.

“Well, I don’t wanna waste my time coming here, and not coming in here. You’re such a scaredy cat, Neville.”

“No, I was just saying that there’s an opening through that wired gate and you don’t have to climb over it.” Neville showed where the opening was and swiftly brought himself besides Nadelle.

“Well, you could’ve told me sooner,” embarrassed, Nadelle punch Neville’s shoulder lightly then walked away, trying to hide her flushed face. Neville rubbed his shoulder where Nadelle had punched earlier, smiling off goofily, before he followed quickly behind Nadelle.

They scouted the area. They found nothing worth of note, except for old, abandoned hangar that looked like it may fit an airplane, old army trucks that could not be used anymore, and abandoned offices that contained old fashion telephone, a telegram, and some paperwork. The writings had faded and smudged, making it hard to read.

While Neville was absorbed in taking pictures, Nadelle looked around the base. It seemed that nobody had ever used this base for quite some time and she wondered why. Neville did tell her that the base was active when World War II started and they have left the location right after the war had ended. She tried to picture the site when it was in its glory days, when he heard Neville called her from inside one of the cabin not far from where she stood.

“What? You found the alien.

“no.” he pointed at the light from afar, with his index finger, shaking.


 “There’s someone out there.”

Nadelle forced Neville to duck, afraid that it that light comes from the authority.

“What the hell, Neville? I thought you said that no one comes to this place.”

“I thought so too.”Neville croaked. “What’re we gonna do now? I think I’m gonna wet myself”

Nadelle asked him to hush as she heard footsteps were donning closer to where they were. She was too afraid to even breathe. She felt her heartbeats were so loud, that she was sure that it would burst out from her chest any time.


“Are you sure this is the place?” an unfamiliar voice was heard. It was hoarse and full of authority. Both of them looked at each other, fear welding up in the midst of their silence.


“Yes, sir. I’ve followed them since they’ve left the house,” another voice was heard, it was so soft, that Nadelle could barely hear what the person was saying.


“Very well then. I demand that this girl is to be found immediately. Do not harm her. She is needed by lord Vetis,” he commanded. Not long after that, a howling was heard, and it continued on and on. Then, they heard footsteps were fading from their hideout. Nadelle gasped between her hands covering her mouth as she had heard the voice before. And Vetis? Nadelle frowned. It could not be the same person, can it? But then again, who else would have a name of a demon? And who was the girl that he talked about? Was this girl the reason why the man in his dream was killed? Why was she so important that it was worth killing for? She was so lost in her thoughts so much until Neville had to shake her to give rise to her grasp of reality.


“Now what do we do? He was trembling. By now, he would have regretted his decision of coming here. If his mother had found out, he would not be able to step outside his own house.


Nadelle tried to peek outside of the cabin. She slowly opened the door, but it did not help as it made a creaking sound. A wolf with the size of a lion was at the door and leaped at her straight away, with its jaws wide open, ready to pounce on both of them. She tried to close the door, but the force was too strong. She fell backwards towards Neville, leaving the door wide open. The wolf howled they could hear barking and growled from the outside.
Neville rummaged through his backpack and found a flare. He threw it at the wolves after he lit it up. The wolves backed up a little.


“Come on!” he grabbed Nadelle’s shaky hands and made a run through the back door. A pack of wolves had already waiting there, baring their teeth at them. Neville quickly closed the door before one of the wolves was able to shred him to pieces. Nadelle seemed to have recovered from her shock as she tried to help Neville. They looked at each other, horrified. They were surrounded.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

chapter 2

Nadelle woke, startled by the sound of the alarm clock. She did not realize when she started to fall asleep. She was still feeling sleepy and her temple was throbbing, as if she just had a bad hangover. Thank god, it was Sunday. Therefore, she tried to doze off again, but the throbbing was making it difficult. After too many toss and turns on her bed, she decided to get up and take a cold shower. Maybe that will help.

After shower, she wore her loose jeans with a black t-shirt with ‘nobody’s perfect’ in big, bold white print. She took a good look at herself. She was not the kind of ‘perfect girl’ that the media always describe. Her brunette hair was cut short like a boy, she did not know how to put on a makeup, not that she wanted to, and most of her clothes are jeans and t-shirt. Her father once told her to wear what he called ‘girl’s clothes’ once in a while like other girls in town, but she took a deaf ear to what he said. Those skimpy outfits that they wear looks like something you stole from your little sister, and he wanted her to wear that?  What he was thinking, she wondered.

 She went downstairs to grab something to eat before she popped two tablets of Panadol for her headache. There was a note from her father on the fridge saying that he would not be home until midnight. As usual. She was always left alone ever since her mother died. She used to have a nanny that took care of her, but after much argument with her father, which she won eventually, she had been taking care of herself.

She sat on the couch of her living room, while trying to find a channel worth watching. There was a show where people have to go through silly obstacle to win money, so she watched it blankly while eating her cereal. Then, there was a knock on the glass door, and she could see her long-time best and only friend, Neville, plastering his face on the door making a silly face.

“The door is unlocked,” she shouted. Neville opened the door and closed behind him. He helped himself with a bowl of cereal and an apple juice in the kitchen. He then sat next to Nadelle and enjoyed his cereal.

“Watchu watching?”Milk was spilling out from his mouth when he tried to speak dribbling on his chin. He then wiped it with his shirt’s sleeve. This was why he could not get laid. He had a face that most girls will for, if he put his full-frame black glasses away and wear a contact lens, because he had gorgeous ocean blue eyes. However, he was too oblivious about that. He was too absorbed in star wars and stuff alike. One time, he had a crush on Betty Joe in fifth grade, the prettiest girl in town, and she seemed somewhat interested in him too. But he just had to blow it off by speaking some alien language that only he understands. Nadelle was the only one who stuck up for him when he was teased by those Betty Joe’s admires afterwards, and they were friends ever since. Nadelle did not have the heart to leave him alone; he seemed too pathetic that way. Besides, he was not that bad, once you got pass all those quirkiness. He was loyal, kind and was always there when she needed him. He was like a brother to her now.

“Wipeout. No good show to watch anyways.”

They continue eating their cereal while watching the contestants humiliated themselves on national television.

“Had a dream last night.” Nadelle said, after finishing her last gulp of apple juice.

“What’s it about?” Neville’s eyes were still on the television.

“Some dude got stab.”

Neville turned to look at Nadelle, his eyes widened and his jaw dropping while the spoon full of cereal stopped in mid air.

“Whoa, some dream. Did you know that guy?”

“Nope. Seems like from King Arthur’s time or something. You know, there are knights and all.”

“Maybe a memory from your past life?” Neville always had some kind of theories about dreams, saying that each dream probably represents some kind of deep meaning, our connection to the universe or a memory of the past or the future to come. Nadelle was more of a logic person. They always debated on things like if there is another life besides us out there, existence of mythical creatures, and more. Usually, Nadelle would disagree on anything what Neville said, but the dream was so vivid that it haunted her too much. What’s more, the familiarity feeling that she got when he saw that man’s face. What was his name again? It started with ‘L’. Levington right?

Nadelle was so lost in her thought that Neville started to wave his hand too close in front of her face, that it startled her.

“What’s with the scary look?”

“What look?”Nadelle started to get defensive.

“You look like you’re about to kill somebody or something. Are you okay?”

Nadelle took one look at Neville, the look at the television screen blankly.

“Yeah, I’m okay. “She rested his back on the sofa. Neville was still looking at her, worried, but she chose to ignore it and continue watching the show. Eventually, Neville gave up and continue finishing his cereal. He knew that he could not force Nadelle to tell him what was bothering her. If he pushed it too far, he was sure to get a punch on the face. She will tell him herself when she’s ready.

“Oh yeah. What brings you here anyway?”

“Oh, nearly forgot.” He put down his empty bowl and looked at Nadelle. “I need a ride.” he flashed his brace-smile. “There’s this place where people say it was an old army base where they keep some alien spaceship not far from this town. So I’m planning to check it out.”

“What, like area 51?”

“That’s their main area. I think this maybe their branch or something. You know, a temporary place to keep these spaceships before being transported to area 51.”
“Why do I have to take you? Shouldn’t you get your driving license already? Besides, that’s not my gig.”

“You know my mom don’t let me drive.” It was true. Ever since Neville’s father was involved in a car accident, her mother was so paranoid in getting into a car. She took the bus to commute. Nadelle had trouble convincing her to let Neville ride in a car with her. She would call Neville every ten minute or so. If Neville did not pick it up on time, she would call 911 reporting an ‘accident’. 

“Please, Nadelle. I really really really really wanna go. I promise to do your homework for a whole weekend.”

“The last time you did it for me, I ended up having to redo all of it!”

Neville looked down on his shoes. He was wearing a worn out pair of black converse. His hands were playing with the shoelace. Nadelle let out a sigh. She could never win over Neville. He always has ways to her sympathy.

“Fine, I’ll drive you there.”

Neville looked up from his shoes, looking all bright and cheery. As if he was reborn, hearing Nadelle’s words.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re definitely the best friend I have.” He hugged Nadelle so tight out of excitement. Nadelle pushed Neville away with all her might.

“Let go, you moron!” she threw a pillow from the couch at Neville. He threw another pillow back at her. One thing leads to another, and they were having a pillow fight, laughing and teasing each other, oblivious that they were watched from afar.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

have we met before?


Chapter 1

Nadelle felt someone was running. But it was not her. It was a man. He was wearing a moss green robe that swept the floor of the earth. She could hear the man’s short breath as if she was besides him. He looked tired, but he did not stop. He kept on going, and he looked anxious, afraid if something or someone was following him as he kept looking back when he ran. She tried to touch the man, but her hand went through him. She looked at her hand, bewildered. Was she dead?
Then that man tripped over a root of the trees. She wanted to help but then she remembered what happened to her hand. She could not really blame him for it. The root was as big as her thigh and as tall as her knee was! She looked up to see the trees. She could not see the sky as the trees were blocking her view. Rays of sunlight managed to find their way to the forest ground through tiny gaps between the leaves. She could not see very well, but enough to know what was happening around her. She felt shivers running down her spine, and it was not the cold breeze she felt. It was the feeling that she got from the forest. It was as if the trees were whispering to themselves.

The man tried to get up but it looked like there was a deep cut on his left shank. His robe was soggy with blood.
“Foolish human.” A voice was heard, but there was not any soul around. “You think you outrun us?”
Suddenly, a black fog swooped in front of that man. As the fog cleared, skeletons of horses and their riders were in sight. The riders were wearing some kind of armor from century of kings before. Slowly, the skeletons were covered in flesh and eventually, when the rider at the front had dismount from his horse, he was already a complete human, not to mention good-looking too. She took a few steps forward to get a better look. The rider was smirking, looking down at the wounded man.
“You were once human as well, Rupert.” The man spoke. His jade eyes pierced straight through the rider’s gaze. “Before you sold your soul to Vetis.”
The rider  named Rupert laughed, and it was not merry. He then unsheathed his sword and drew it upon the man, having its blade nearly touched the neck right below the Adam’s apple. His face was covered with smirked, leaving Nadelle feeling disgusted to even look at.
“Tell me what I want to know. Or bear the dire consequence,” Rupert growled. His face was so close to the man’s fa├žade. He must have felt fear by the look in his eyes, but he was adamant not to make it too obvious. Suddenly, after a long silence, the man laughed, which startled everyone, including Rupert as he withdrew his sword a little further from the man’s neck. Growing impatient, he stabbed the man’s already injured leg. His scream echoed through the forest and caused quite a disturbance in it as well. Even the crickets were still.
“You can never find what you’re looking for,” determination was heard in his voice as the man uttered the words. So it was shown in his gaze as well.
Rupert stood, looking down upon the poor man. “Is that your final answer, Levington?” coldness bore in his eyes as he looked directly at that man. The question was left with no answer, as both men are glaring at each other, each with their own determination and pride. Then Rupert let out a sigh. He then picked up his sword. Blood was gushing out from the wound. Levington was trying hard to stop the bleeding with his hands but to no avail.
“I really don’t want to do this. After all, we are brothers.” Rupert said, though there was no sign of regret in his voice.
“We’re not brothers anymore.”
“True. Then, I have no regret in doing this.”
The sword plunged into Levington’s chest, missing only by an inch from his heart. Nevertheless, it was done on purpose. He wanted Levington to suffer just a little bit more before the angel of death greeted him. As he withdrew his sword, the blood was spurting out, staining his shirt with its gruesome color. Soon, the jaded eyes were lifeless. Satisfied, Rupert cleaned his sword with Levington’s robe, mounted his black stallion, and rode off with the fog swirled between them and they were no more, just like before.
Slowly, Nadelle walked towards where Levington lied. The smell of blood started to nauseate her a little, but she did not stop. Slowly she sat besides the dead, taking a better look at the poor man. What was he tried so desperately to protect, that he was willing to sacrifice his own life for it? As she covered those jaded eyes, as she had seen many times on television, and her father had done the same to her mother when she was five, a sense of familiarity lurked in her heart. ‘Where have I seen you?’ she questioned as he traced the man’s face.
Suddenly, the carcass turned into a silvery dust that swirled up in the air, and so did the trees. They all made a giant ball of silver floating in mid air in front of Nadelle, leaving everything around her pitch black. She was no longer in the forest. There was only her and that big ball of silvery powder right in front of her. She extended her hand to touch it, when suddenly it swarmed around her, making her trapped in a ball. She tried to escaped, but the space in that ball was getting smaller and smaller, making Nadelle difficult to breathe. Desperate, she tried to punch and kick the ball but to no avail, leaving her more exhausted. She felt like crying but trying so hard not to, because it felt silly to cry over nothing.
What came next was too fast to even to describe. She could feel that she was screaming, but all that she could hear was a muffling. Next thing she knew, she woke up in her bed, sweating in the middle of the night. Sigh, that was some dream she had. So she tossed to right, then to the left, trying to go back to sleep. It was only 3.00 A.M., and she had a busy day ahead. Yet, she kept remembering that dream. It was so vivid, as if it was her own lost memory. So she was kept awake throughout that night, replaying that dream in her head, over and over again.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

final chapter

The room was filled with silent. Everybody was watching me intently. Anastasia was taken care by one of the maids in her room.  She couldn’t stop crying since Cornelius was taken away by the officer. Poor girl. It was because of her I hesitated one too many time to turn Cornelius in.

“12 years ago, when I first came here, do you still remember it, grandpa?” I looked at the window, not wanting to meet any of the gazes that befell upon me.

“Of course… it was the day of your parents’ funeral.” He looked at me, probed by the question of why I brought it up all of the sudden I presumed. Of course, I never did want to talk about the past.

“It was also the first time we met.” I looked at grandpapa with a weak smile. He looked down as sorrow colored his face.

“Yes, how could I forget? If it wasn’t because of your parents’ accident, we may never meet.” He looked at me tearfully. Frederick gave him a handkerchief from his tailored coat’s pocket. You looked at me silently, as I looked at you. I couldn’t read your expression, thus I looked away at the garden. I mustered all the courage that I could find left inside of me.

“What if I told you…?” I hesitated. I looked at each and everybody in this room. Grandpapa, Kazuki, and then at you. After a long while, I looked out at the garden again. “… If it wasn’t an accident?”

There were gasps, but I did not know from whom, though I had a guess or two. “What do you mean?” Grandpapa was on his feet, with the help of Frederick. But then, he fell back on his chair as Frederick coaxed him to calm down. I looked at Kazuki, and we nodded our heads in sync.

“I’ve check the records of the accidents.” Kazuki stepped forward from the corner of the room, with a red wine on his hand. “Upon the request of the mistress.” He smiled at me. I looked at him, annoyed. Just get on with it. “The wire for the breaks was cut.”

“How did you…” grandpapa gawked at him in surprise. He looked at me, asking me if this was some kind of a joke I tried to pull. Of course, he too, was affected by his son’s death. Even though he had him banned from this family for pursuing his love one.

“The reports from the police.” Kazuki handed him a copy of the report from the investigation. He read the report over and over again. But I knew that he couldn’t believe what he had just read.

“But Cornelius...”

“He lied.” I raised my voice, so that everybody could hear me. There is nothing to hold me back. It was time for me to speak the truth that I had kept hidden for so long. “He lied to you all this time. He’s the culprit behind it.”

Grandpapa shook his head, then let his hand touched his temple. “You’re wrong. Cornelius wouldn’t…”

I let out a sigh. “He knew that I manage to smell out his activity. So he blackmailed me. He…” I could not finish my sentence. It was too hard for me to say. But I must. For my parents’ revenge. For my freedom from this guilt. I found my legs were shaking that I had to find something to hold on to. You caught me before I reached the floor. I looked at you. Somehow, it gave me back my courage. Then I looked hard on grandpapa. “He raped me.”

Of course, the news set the room in chaos, though everybody was silent. But I could tell from their faces that they were bewildered. Even Kazuki, for I did not tell him this.  Grand papa’s became heavier. He grabbed onto Frederick’s sleeve as he gasped for air. Frederick quickly gave him his medicine with a glass of water. When he had calm down, Frederick let out a sigh of relief. “Master, you should rest now. There is no need for you to worsen your health like this.” But being a stubborn old man as he is, he insisted that he must hear this till the end.

“Tell me…” his breathing was still heavy. But he continued on. “Do you know the reason why he did all this?”

“We believe it’s because of your money. He wants it.” Kazuki looked at Grandpapa, not sure to either continue the discussion or just end it. But he continued on anyway. “His company was having setbacks. And I don’t mean minors. He laundered the company’s fund for his own enjoyment, complaints from the employees that he always sleeps around, either with his staff or his clients. Not to mention that his clients has no longer have any interest doing business with him. And…”

“enough.” Grandpapa looked down as he let out a deep, heavy sigh. Then, he covered his face. “This is my entire fault.” The room was silent. Nobody reciprocated to that. I looked at grandpapa, waiting for something, though I didn’t know what. “I was too blinded by my own ego. If only I listen to Marshall back then, these thing would never happen.” I could hear his sniffles, trying to hold back his own tears. After all these years, he did feel guilty towards chasing away my family; his own son and his pregnant wife.

I got up, letting go of your hand that I grasped so tightly earlier, and slowly walked towards grandpapa. I held out his hands that covered his face. His old hands were shaking, and his eyes were red as tears rolled down from his eyes.  Without a word, I buried myself into his arms and we cried in silence.

*  * *

I took the last cigarette from my pocket, but did not light it. For a long time now, a smoke had not touch this lips of mine. Too many things happen this past fortnight. I looked up at the cloudy sky. Slowly, the clouds moved away, showing how blue the sky was. Finally, it has finished, though I had no expected to come to this kind ending.

“Are you even planning to stop smoking?” suddenly you took me by surprise as you stood with your hands crossed your chest and your back on the wall. I smiled at you emptily and put the cigarette back into my pocket. In silence, you sat beside me with your eyes looking at the sky. I took my breath slowly as I enjoyed the silent company with you.

“So, what are planning to do now?”

“Staying here I guess, looking after grandpapa. His health is deteriorating. What about you?” I looked at you as you kept your eyes at the sky. The breeze slowly played with your curly hair, which apparently grew a few centimeters longer at the back. Then slowly you looked at me.

“You’re not going back?” your voice sounded hopeful, though you tried not to show. I smiled, painfully, before looking away at the ground and shook my head lightly. I knew that you were disappointed, as you let out a sigh.

“Then I’ll stay here.” Your voice was firm as you told me this. I imagined that you had rehearsed this in your head, playing out the possible scene between us.

“What about your job? What about Adam?”

“I’ll quit my job. You do not have to worry about Adam. This is my life. I’ll decide what to do.”

I scoffed at your idea. “You should go back there. You can’t just waste everything you’ve built just to make me feel happy.” I knew it; I need that cigarette after all. I was thinking of lighting it when you suddenly stood up in front of me.

“You can’t just dismiss me like this!” clearly, you are in the clouds with your thoughts. I kept quiet for a while, searching for the words that I need. I let out a sigh while my hand rubbed my temple.

“Have you called Adam? He must’ve been worried sick.” I tried to change the subject.

“I’ll do it later. I …” you were probably in a shock as I hugged you tight. I closed my eyes, wishing that time would stop. Wishing that I did not have to do this, but I knew that I have to. Then I slowly released you from my grasp, looking at you in the eyes. I could feel my eyes are filled with tears, so I had to hurry.

“I think it’s better for you to go home. To Adam. I cannot give you what you want, even if you think I can. I need to sort things with this family first. Then, maybe, just maybe, we’ll meet again.” I padded your shoulders with the brightest smile I could give to you, though it was fake, and I figured that you knew it too.

You were quiet for quite a moment, probably trying to reason out the behavior of mine. I left you with your thoughts.

“Promise me, we’ll meet again,” you shouted behind me. I smiled quietly. How persistent. I turned around and there you are slowly getting closer to me.

“Yes. I promise. Though I don’t know when.” You were reluctant, but you nodded eventually. I left you in the garden, busying myself with pondering upon silly things, thinking about you and the conversation that we just had.

 True, I did want to be with you. However, with the way things were, I must figure out what I want to do next. All my life, I had been running. Running from the facts and lies of my life. I was planning on my vengeance before I met you. Moreover, I could not stop what I have started halfway. The time for me to face reality has come. I would not run anymore.

Therefore, I am sorry. You have to wait. Better yet, don’t. But maybe, just maybe, we may meet someday. However, that would be another story then.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

as i lay on this hard ground

 looking at the night sky decorated by thousands of stars, i thought of you, thinking how i wish so damn very much that you would be here too, beside me...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

chapter 15

As I opened the glass window, I saw you sitting on the patio, swinging yourself back and forth, looking out at the garden. But your mind seemed elsewhere. Slowly, I approached you from behind.

“Missing home?” I hugged you from behind. You were surprised and seemed perplexed to see me. I took my place beside you and we sat in silence, enjoying the view of the spring garden.

“Where have you been these past few days?” you didn’t look at me when you asked of me.

“Cleaning the years’ loose ends.” I said so casually. “Did something happen?”

“Not particularly.” You shook your head. When I tried to look at you, you looked the other way. Something is definitely wrong, I said to myself.

“Adrian,” I called, almost pleadingly. “No secrets, please.”

You looked at me loathingly. You got up suddenly and made the swing moved quite frantically. You threw something at my face. It was a memory card, belongs to my camera. I looked at you. So you’ve seen it.

“How could you do that?” anger had filled up in you. I’ve never seen you in so much anger.

“He got what he deserves.” I put the memory card in my pocket. I looked at you unmoving. For what I did, I had no regrets.

“He’s your uncle, Jo. Your uncle!” your voice was almost at the top of your lung. “How could you…” you couldn’t finish your sentence.

“FYI, I didn’t have sex with him, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I looked away. I must stay calm in this situation. A fire can only be smothered with water.  But the fire within me had sparked it started building up. “The pictures were only for intimidate him.”

You looked at me in disbelieved. I let out a sigh and got up. What a way to start a morning, I mumbled. I started to go for a breakfast when you hugged me from behind. I was startled, but didn’t react. I took a glimpse of you from the corner of my eyes. You looked really worried.

“May I ask you something?” I turned around to face you. I looked at you, as you looked at me with your beautiful brown eyes. “What makes you fell in love with me?”

You looked astounded at my question. Then you looked away, being red all over your face.

“I don’t have a beautiful face, my body is too masculine, and I don’t exactly have a goody-two-shoes personality.”

You looked away and sigh. You sat back at the patio. I stood there, waiting for your reply. Or did you plan on not answering?

“I’m grateful that you chose me to love.” I stepped closer to you. “But I can’t help to doubt that the feelings you have is not based on the spur of the moment thingy.”

“It’s not.” You looked at me earnestly. Then you looked away. “Remember the first time you figured out about my phobia?” how could I forget. It wasn’t a pleasant memory, but it does have an impact on me. “When people knew about it, they tried to keep their distance so that I wouldn’t get hurt. Adam especially. I know their intentions are good, but it’s really suffocating to see their pretences.”

I looked at you. There was grief in your eyes. Then you looked at me and smiled.

“But you’re different. You treated me like I was normal. And you even help me cure it.”

“Well, curing your phobia…” I silently said, “I have ulterior motive.” I said while smiling slyly.

“What is it?”

“So I can do this.”

I took you closer to me and kiss you deeply. When I let go, you turned bright red. And I smiled.

“You need to trust me about Cornelius. And I promise you, I won’t do anything dangerous.”

You looked doubtful, but you nodded your head anyway.

“Come, let’s go breakfast. Gramps must be waiting for us.”

# # #

“You ungrateful child.” Cornelius gave me a slap. Hard. I was knocked down from the chair of the dining table. I could feel that my cheek was bright red as the pain was stinging into my nerves.

“Are you alright?” you held me. I nodded.

“What is the matter with you, Cornelius? Ruining the day at the very beginning.” Grandfather was standing on his feet; his face was filled with rage. Cornelius was taken aback, probably didn’t notice that grandfather was there as he was targeting me.

“What did you do?” he pushed you away and grabs me by the collar, making me harder to breathe.

“Stop this nonsense at once, Cornelius!” grandfather tried to separate me from Cornelius, but he seemed too determined to let me go. So he pushed grandfather away, causing him to fall. Grandfather was grabbing his chest tight when he coughed. He tried to cover his mouth when I saw blood was spurting out from his frail mouth.

I panicked when I saw the crimson fluid. I used all my strength to pushed Cornelius away. Anger overwhelmed within me as I gave Cornelius punch after punch on his face. If you didn’t stop me, I wouldn’t let go of him. When I had calmed down, I rushed to grandfather’s side. I stumbled on his pills and hastily gave it to him. After a while, his coughs have calmed down.

“Papa!” Anastasia rushed to his father side. She was crying as he tried to wipe away the blood from Cornelius’ face. His sky blue eyes still looked at me with fury.

“Sir,” the butler came in, and was surprised to see us like that. Of course, who wouldn’t?

“What do you want, Frederick?” the butler helped grandfather onto his chair.

“There are two officers looking for Sir Cornelius.” He announced, while looking at Cornelius.

“What do they want?” Cornelius was wobbling, trying to stand, while her daughter helped him.

“We need to bring you in for question.” Suddenly, two officers barged in. how rude of them, thinking that they can do anything just because they have a flashy badge.

“Of what?!” Cornelius was ready to run away, but the only escape route from this room is through the outsized door, where the officers stood.

“Money-launderings. And a few more.” The officers were ready with handcuffs. “Please come with us in peace. We don’t want to use any force.”

“Let me go. I didn’t do anything.” He was struggling hard when the officers tried to bring him away. “Annabelle, this is your doing is it?!” he was trying to attack me once again, but was quickly stopped by the officers. He was practically dragged away, and we only watched him in silence.

“Grandfather,” Anastasia ran to his side, still wet with tears. “Is papa going to be alright?”

“I don’t know.” Grandfather looked at me for answers. I could only look away.