Saturday, August 14, 2010

i'm sorry....

let me just say this to you... the one who loves me unconditionally, the one who gives me srength and provokes me to my victory. whenever that i feel alone, left and abandon like a broken toy in the dark alley of life, you gave me light in places that i couldn't think of. you are the moon that light my way along this broken path. you are my sun that hides behind the clouds. even when i can't see you, i know that you are there, always watching over me and treasure me from above. you are the rainbow that comes after a stormy day, coloring my sorry days. you are the antidote for the poisons in my life. you are the love i search in this divine cruelty of such a world. in you i give my trust, my soul and my life. i may not be a knight in shining armour that strut my way into the battlefield, defending everything in your name. nor a priest that speaks of sermons of god's thoughts. i may not be a hippie that see everything in this world as peaceful and carefree as the animals that jauntily hop around in the woods. i may be neurotic, thinking that everybody is never be pleased when they talk to me. i may be a hypocrite that let myself be carried by the current of life. i may be a person that occupies a devilish tongue with a cold heart and soul. i may be all that... but.. you still except me for whoever i am.

 i'm never afraid of the dark, but welcome it instead. i do welcome the dark. because in the dark, i can imagine that i'm not even there, not even exist, disappear in the oblivion darkness. becoming one with it once and for all. but you pulled me away from all that, with your brightly shine and warm. you let me be in the light, where everything will be alright an secured. i was the baby that was hold gently by you. i feel safe within your grace. you make me want to stand up against my-unsecure-self and fight for my freedom towards these binds that ties me to the dreadful world. 

i know that i've hurt you for my wrong doings. i know your heart are twinge with the stabs like a knife with my twisted words . i know because it hurts me too. you've shed your tears one too many times, turn your back against your own beliefs because you wanna have faith in me. you've let yourself in a roller coaster ride when you let me into your life. i know you deserves better in life. i know you've closed the doors to your dreams just to see mine coming true. i know that you wish nothing but praying for my success in life. but sometimes those dreams of yours for me are too big for me to fill. for that i am sorry. 

i am sorry because i couldn't be like you always wanted me to. i'm sorry because i can't follow your advices and follow what my hearts says instead. i'm sorry for making you worry about me too much till you couldn't sleep at night. i'm sorry that i can't be someone that you are proud of.

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry