Sunday, December 26, 2010

chaptre 12

We arrived at our destination after half of our day spent on the train. We went to buy your clothes during stops. When we were on the train, we didn’t speak to each other, nor look at each other’s eyes. When I glanced at you, I saw you looked away immediately. I was irritated, because I couldn’t ask you things. When I did, you would reply with so few words, with your voice really down and I barely could hear you. So I gave up talking totally.

“Erm, where are we exactly?” you were looking around. Probably you never went this far. When you noticed that I was looking, you quickly looked down on the pave way, with your face flustered.

“Having second thoughts?” I walked pass the station. If I remembered correctly, we should arrive at that house after 20 minutes walk from the station.

“N... no…” you were trotting behind me, so I slowed down for you to catch up.

“You know, it’s still not too late to turn back.” I stopped on my track, not looking back. If I did, I would have to look at you looking at that interesting pave way again.

“I’m not!” your determination startled me, so I turned around. As expected, you quickly turned your gaze on the ground, which fury me more. “I’m not leaving you.”

I let out a sigh. “I’m not saying you would. Just saying that you should just wait for me there.”

You finally looked at me, with anxious. “Till when.”

“I don’t know.” I walked away.

You passed me and stood me. Though we were of the same height, it felt as if you were towering me. I was taken by surprise by your sudden movement. But then you cowered, and took a step back.

“I don’t want to wait.”

“If you don’t want to, you should find someone else. I’m sure Adam can find you someone better, since your phobia already cured.” I walked passed you.

You jumped at me from behind, stopping me from taking another step. You shuddered in the midst of coldness. It seemed that ever since, I only made you in a mess.

“Why? I thought you knew my feelings.” Your voice sounded choked. I couldn’t answer to your question. But I let you stayed that way. I wanted really badly to touch you, but restrained myself from doing so. “And I thought you feel the same way too.”

I do. I really do. It’s just…

“Tell me a reason. If it’s good enough, I’ll leave.” You weren’t planning of letting me go, as you tighten your clasp around my neck. I let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m used to being alone, having to be in control of my life. I’ve been putting walls around me so that nobody dares to enter. And having you around me, I really… don’t know what to do.” Even I didn’t know what I was saying all of a sudden. It was just an excuse I was trying to come up with. Mama, you never told me that falling in love can be this hard.

You let me go and sat on a nearby bench. You looked dazed, with your face still bright red. I guess with your porcelain skin, it would be easy to see your face change color. Unlike you, I had a sun-kissed skin with a black hair and a blue sky eyes. You could say that I was an ugly duckling who grew to be an ugly swan.

“You know…” you seemed to struggle to find the right words. So I kept quiet and sat beside you, looking out at the scenery in front. Since we were in the countryside, it was a breathtaking panorama. The snow was melting as a sign that spring would come. The breeze was somewhat refreshing. I took my camera out and snapped a few pictures. A gift for my professor who loves sceneries.

 “It’s the first time I felt like this.” I glanced at you. “And I never did go this far… you know… like this.” you were mumbling your words, so I couldn’t hear what you were saying.

“So please,” you looked at me pleadingly, “don’t turn me away. I want to see this through. I… I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” I eyed you suspiciously. You realized my sly smile, but you knew you couldn’t take back what you said. Then you looked down and nodded.

“Rule one,” I tilted your head so that I could see you properly, “no looking away when talking.” You seemed hesitated, but agreed to that condition.

“What’s rule two?”

“I’ll think about it along the way.”  I smiled at you. “Now, will you kiss me? As a sign for your promise?”

You looked uncertain. Your face was redder than before. But you got close to me and give me a kiss. Well, I wouldn’t call it a kiss. It was so brief that I couldn’t even enjoy it. In fact, it was only a touch on both of our lips. I looked at you. You were looking down again, with your hair slightly covering part of your face. I might as well guess that was your first kiss.

“Have you ever kissed before?” I looked at you with a witty smile. It was high time for amusing me.

“Of course I have!” you looked at me. Though, you looked confident, your voice were a little off, a little shrieking I should say, as if you were forcing your voice. That only made my assumption correct, is it not?

“With who? Your uncle?”


“A real kiss should be something like this.”

I got close to you and touch you gently as your slightly parted lips meeting mine. I gave you a deep kiss, frenching you all the way. It was long, hard and deep. As I was done with the kiss, you seemed to be still in the daze. Without wasting any time, I grabbed hold of my camera and took a picture of you. As you heard the shutter being pressed, you opened your eyes with a surprise and covered your mouth.

“That’s not fair.” You sulked and turned away out of embarrassment. Once again, I snapped your picture.

“Enough already.” You were about to cry. But with that adorable expression, how could I ever resist. Another shot was taken. You tried to grab the camera, but I was already jumped from my seat. I took another shot of you.

“Didn’t you say you’ll be my model?” I kept pressing the shutter.

“But I wasn’t ready! Jo, stop it.” You covered your face. So I stopped, annoyed at what you did. I put away my camera, but the fun time was far from over.

“How was your first kiss?” I took a step closer to you. You were clearly blushing, though you tried to hide it.

“You… really have experiences.” Your voice was barely heard. It took me long enough to comprehend what you were saying. When I finally did, I got embarrassed myself. But you were looking elsewhere, so you probably didn’t see it.

“Anyway, let’s continue on shall we? We need to make a few stop before we arrived at the house.” I walked away from you, knowing that you would follow suit.

“You won’t even tell me where we’re going.” Again with the sulking. Baby boy. Maybe I should call you that when you did. That would be interesting.

“If you’re not coming, then you can stay here.” I fastened my steps.

“Wait!” you quickly followed behind and managed to catch up on me. “At least tell me where are we going?”

Since you were so persistent…

“To my parents’ grave…”