chaptre 4

"jo,”

"hm?"

"I’m ready."

I looked up. your face were determined than yesterday. I chuckled to my amusement. it seemed to bother you as you pouted. but you brushed it so easily as you seemed to have accustomed yourself with my cold jokes. I put the glass I had washed down and wipe my wet hands clean. then I look at you with a smile.

"are you ready?" I asked. you nodded nervously. I couldn't remember how many times have we repeated this scene over and over again. you close your eyes so tightly, until just lines indicating where your eyes are were present. you waited patiently. slowly, I reached out my right hand to touch your face. but like always, as this hand of mind touched you, you recoiled back. you opened your eyes and looked really apologetically at me. I smiled gloomily. there was no helping to that reaction. at first I was hurt, but I got used to it. 

"next time then," I said, and continued with my work. deep down, if only you would know how I felt not being able to touch you. this phobia of yours made me wished to be turn to a guy. so that I can embrace you in my arms. but I knew that dream was just a dream.

"jo~" Samuel, the other worker in this bar hugged me from behind. I let him clanged on me as I continued my work. he was smaller than me, though a lot older. but because of his baby-face and height, he acted really like a spoil kid. 

"Samuel, let go of me. I’m trying to work here." I said flatly.

"but you were playing with dear Adrian a second ago" he said with a rather envious tone. "why can't you play with me instead?"

"first of all, I wasn't playing. I’m helping him curing his disease." you gazed at me questioningly. I stared at you innocently; though I knew what I said had offended you. but you shrugged it off quickly enough.

"disease? is Adrian sick?" he asked with an innocent curiosity in his eyes.

I wondered how this simpleton gets by all this time. days before, as we were heading home, he was assaulted by the neighbourhood hooligans, mistaking him for a prostitute. those guys were at least six feet tall and armed with army knives. luckily, we escaped safely, with minor bruises. since then, he had been this clingy to me. it was bothersome at first. but I got used to it.

"yes, very. so please do not get too close to him, okay," I said with a foxy smile. 

"is that a way to treat a customer?" you said solemnly. looks like I’ve gone too far with my jokes, I thought. 

"sorry about that. look, why don't we give it a rest for a while. it's obvious that this approach doesn't work. let’s find something else," I said to you. you looked troubled. but just kept quiet for a while. "besides, it's not the end of the world if I can't touch you." but it would be the end for me though.

"but I want to be forgiven," you said determinedly, looking at me straight in the eyes. 

"silly boy. there's nothing to forgive for in the beginning," I said to you, smiling. it was just an excuse to get closer to you.

"and...” you continued." I wanna know your name. your real name." you said, this time softly. it was as if you were muttering it to yourself. I could see you blushed even if you were trying to cover it. I wondered why it was important to you to know my name. nobody ever asked me this seriously before. nevertheless, I was touched.

"oy, you trying to make a pass on jo? he's mine,"samuel pouted, tightening his grip around my waist. he still hadn't figured out that I’m the opposite sex; either that or he didn't want to know. I was tired to correct the same mistake over and over again, so I let him assumed so. 

"don't worry Sam. nobody's gonna steal anybody."

"ka-chink" the door bell rang. the three of us looked at the one who just came in. he was drenched and it ruined his fine coat. I recognised him from before. his name was Adam. a regular customer of this bar and also yours, it seemed. but I wasn't supposed to know, am I? he walked at the counter and sit next to you. 

"the usual?" I said with a business-like smile. always keep a professional attitude, the manager said once. he smiled back in return and nodded. he whispered something to you. your face changed to your professional look. so it was business after all. as I placed the order, I could hear bits and pieces of what he was saying. but I didn't stay long so I couldn't know what was the affair. I attended other customers' needs and left the both of you alone. 

I started to feel sick again. my heart was racing as if I just finished a marathon. it was beating ever so wildly that I was pretty sure the whole room could hear it. I hate this feeling. it ached so much that I feel like vomiting. I got this feeling a lot lately, but I couldn't put my finger on the cause of this. probably due to the stress of work. yes, that's probably it. I think I need to see a doctor. as soon as possible would be good.

"hey jo," Adam was calling. “I was wondering if I could use your service."

"you are right now". he chuckled.

"not now. later. see, I got this party going on at my house and I need a bartender. you're good-looking, and skilled at what you do. so how about it?"

"if you're looking for good looks, I think Samuel is better for that job".

"yeah, he's cute. but you're better," he smiled charmingly. I wonder how much women and men alike have fallen for that smile of his. Adrian, are you captivated by his smile too?

"I don't know. my scheduled pretty tight".

"c’mon, don't give me that crap. how about this, if you accept this offer, I’ll pay you double of what you got here". that really sounds alluring.

"when?"

"tomorrow night". tomorrow huh? I pondered. I did have the day off. and my class is only in the morning... as I was considering this; I glanced at you, then at Adam. he was looking rather pleadingly.

"I’ll think about it" was my answer.

"what?? c’mon, you're leaving me hanging like that. Adrian, help me out here". he turned to you. you looked at me. I couldn't read your expression. do you want me to go or not?

"please," you said, but your face was unconvincing however. I let out a sigh.

"okay. since you say please". really, I am weak around you." promise to let me flirt though". I smiled coldly.

"whoa, didn't know you were that type to goof around. fine by me. I’m sure people will come swarming around you even if you didn't," Adam uttered jokingly." thanks Adrian, you saved me a lot," and gave you a kiss on the forehead. honestly, I felt like punching him, but I let that rest in my imagination. but it seemed that it was shown on my face when you quickly pushed him away a little bit.

"Adam, it's embarrassing," you said. your cheeks were flushing. 

"right. right. you like to keep things private," while brushing your golden hair with his hand, smiling away. I looked away, furious. no, I was feeling frustrated. of seeing you being touched by others but not me. 

"shall we get going?" Adam asked you after he finished his drink. you nodded and got up, walked besides him, while his hands were around your waist. 

you realized that I was watching. but neither you nor I could do anything about it.