chaptre 7

It was dark. Even with my eyes wide open I still couldn’t see a thing. Even when I was looking I still couldn’t see. Even so, fear didn’t overwhelm me. Probably because I was still in shock. Suddenly, there was a light. It was so bright that it burned my eyes to its core. I squinted, trying to focus at that light. Then I saw it to be divided into two parallel lights. It was like… a car’s light. And it was going directly at me, full speed. No, the speed is increasing. I need to evade it. But, my feet wouldn’t budge. My body was frozen there, like a statue. The car was getting closer and closer. Move, dammit! But I can’t. Something’s wrong. My heart was beating so wildly that I was sure the driver of that car, now just a few yards away, could hear its beating. Cold sweats were pouring down on my body like rain. I tried to remove my gaze from the car, but to no avail. It was like watching a horror movie, seeing myself as another person. No! Somebody! Help me!

The car was getting closer. And closer. Its speed increased every mile. Then…

I opened my eyes. The car was gone. The darkness that surrounded me before disappeared and was replaced by another scene. A familiar scene. Yet seemed different, somehow. I felt cold fluid was dripping on my hand. I looked upon them. I was horrified. It was blood. Crimson and wet. But to whom it belonged to? The car. Where is it? There. In front of me, wrecked and blazed in a fire that shot up to the heaven. This… did I do this? No, it’s not true. Right?

I sat there, looking bewildered at my own hands, covered in blood that I didn’t know where it came from. I touched my body. No, I wasn’t hurt. I looked at the ground. Everywhere was filled with blood. That red liquid was scattering everywhere. I didn’t do this! God, save me from this mess!

I heard somebody called my name. No one had ever called me by that name for a very long time. Not since… wait, I know this voice. I looked up. Mama, standing there, looking at me with that gentle eyes of hers, and gave me her saccharine smile at me. Sweet fragrance was coming from her, like she always had. I tried to reach out to her. But my hands. There are so dirty with blood. So I covered my face with it, letting myself be engulfed in sorrow. Why do I feel this dishearten? I didn’t have the answer myself.

As I looked up again, mama was already far away.

“Mama!” numerous times I called out and ran towards her. No, don’t leave me. Take me with you, I shouted. But she didn’t turn around. She slowly started to disappear in front of me. I tried to reach out to her. I held out my hand. My blood-covered hand.

“No!”

I woke up. I was in a room. My room. My hand was still reaching out in the air, as if trying to catch something. Or someone. I looked at it. There was no blood. Not a drop. I let out a sigh, letting my hand to cover my forehead, rustling my messy hair. So it was just a dream. A nightmare it seemed. The same one I had night after night. Ever since that day. Tears seemed to fall as well, as my pillow was wet, and my vision was a blur. Or was it the beer i drank, tin after tin. Why was I drunk for? Oh yes, to get me to sleep. But it seemed that dream kept coming anyway. At least I managed to get some sleep.

What time was it? I tried to reach for my clock, but my head was heavy and aching. Maybe I should just rest. But rest as I seek, not can I obtain it. For the fear of the nightmare to return. To haunt me. To hunt me down till I was no more in this world.

***

My head still ached when I woke up that morning. The hangover of last night. I shouldn’t have drunk too much. The man from last night was nowhere to be seen. I probably chased him out when I was drunk. Well, what’s done is done I should say.

I dragged myself to the shower, though my head was literally killing me with pain. I felt sticky from last night. Last night… I couldn’t remember what had happen. Only bits of pieces left. Argh! This’ what you get when you’re too drunk. You won’t remember a thing the next day. Except for that dream. That dreaded dream of mine.

I left my apartment to get myself a breakfast, though it was already noon. So it was practically a brunch. Then, I need to find an inspiration to finish my project. If I could pull this off, my future as a photographer might be a little brighter. As I was harboring these thoughts, I bumped into someone. And I fell, as well as the other person. The bag that was full with groceries fell off his grasps and were scattered all over the place.

“Owh, sorry. I wasn’t looking.” I picked up the groceries. As I was about to give them back, I was taken aback to see you, staring at me, dumbfounded as I was.

“You know, we really need to stop seeing each other like this.” You took the groceries from my hands. I readied myself for the usual reaction I got from you when our skin touched. But you were… normal.

“I see the phobia’s gone.” Or did you made it up?

Then you noticed, and looked at your hand. You were dazed for a moment and smiled so sheepishly.

“Well, I guess I owe it to you.” You looked at me with those stunning golden brown eyes of yours.

“Owh, you mean the time you kissed me?” I pecked my cheek. Your face was red as ever. And so I added, “And then ran away from it.” You turned even more crimson than before. I just smiled at your reaction.

“That…”

“Well. I’m okay with it. It was only a friendly kiss. You can buy me something to eat to make up for it.”

You were looking at me as if I was an alien from mars that was about to invade earth.

“Are you... always this casual?”

“Casual? As in what?”

“I mean, do you let people just kiss you?”

“I don’t. Only the people that I like.” I gave you a cheeky smile while putting out the smoke in my hand. “And they don’t usually run away after a kiss.”

“You mean…”

I shrugged and got to my feet, leaving you and that clueless expression of yours. Then I gave you a hand with your groceries. It was pretty heavy.

“Planning a party tonight?” I looked at your groceries. There was a bottle red wine and everything. Like you were about to have a romantic dinner or something. This ticked me off by the way.

“nah. Just the usual shopping. You haven’t had any meal do you?” you smiled at me. You probably noticed the hungry look in my eyes. Or the grumbling stomach of mine.

“Was it so obvious?” I made a puppy-eyed face, obviously trying to impress you. You chuckled.

“I never thought you have that kind of expression.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know, you’re not really expressive. So I thought you never have any feelings.” You looked at my pouted face. “Sorry.”

I looked at you and smiled. Why do you have to apologize for such a trivial thing? I shrugged.

“No harm done. So...” I bit my lips as tried to find another topic to discuss about. A habit since I was small it seems. “You live with someone?”

“Yeah. With Adam.” Right. The young uncle. No wonder there were so many stuff in that grocery bags. “He always out working though. So it kinda feels like living alone.”

“You… have any special relationship with him?” I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t delusional. So I just had to ask you.

“If you count uncle-nephew relationship is special, so I guess so.” So Gemma wasn’t lying after all, huh?

“Just that?”

“Wait, you thought I had sex with him?” you stopped at your track and looked at me, irritated. I looked at you back without saying a word. Do you?

“I’m not gay, you know.” You shook your head while knitting your eyebrows together. “I just have gynophobia. Doesn’t mean I slept with guys.” You looked at me, disappointed.

“sorry.” For being stereotypical. I looked down at the parchment. I was ashamed at myself for coming to a conclusion without knowing you first.

You took your time looking at me, then let out a sigh. “Never mind. I was in the wrong about you too.”

“You mean when you mistaken me for a guy?” I looked up at you. Our eye level didn’t meet. Have you been taller, I wondered.

You looked at me with a mixed expression. “Can you not point out the obvious?”

“Sorry.”

“Quit apologizing. Do you want a meal or not?” you walked briskly. I was surprised by that outcome. I managed to catch up on you, and when I looked at you, it was obvious your face was flushed. Then I giggled, though I don’t know why. You looked at me, and then looked up ahead, probably brushing off whatever thought you had about me. Am I the only one that made you feel this way? Or was there is someone else?

“Right. Meal. Forgot about that.” I kept walking besides you. You started to walk slower. “Are you gonna cook for me, then?” I was pretty hopeful, of course. No one ever cooked for me before. No one except mama. I hardly ever cooked. Since I don’t eat much.

Mama. Suddenly my mind went back to the dream I always had. I wondered what could have meant. If it was just a dream that come and go, I wouldn’t mind so much. But it always came back. The same dream over and over again. I must’ve been mad. Or was I?

“Are you okay?” it seemed that I stopped on my tracks before I noticed it. I must have a puzzled look on my face as your expression turned worried.

“Yeah. You were saying?”

“I said... I was planning to cook. And since I have enough ingredients for the both of us, so I thought its okay.”

“What about Adam?”

“He’s fine. He occasionally comes back for a meal anyway.”

“Won’t he mind? Me coming there I mean…”

“I don’t think so. He seems to fancy you a lot when I talk about you.”

So you were talking about me? Huh, I was a little surprise there. “What were you talking about?”

“Random stuff.” You seemed flustered again and refused to talk about it more. This only made me wanted to know more. But I let it pass. For the moment anyway.

 “Gemma talk about you a lot too.” I didn’t have a slightest idea why the name came up so suddenly. But you seemed eager when you heard about it.

“Really? What he talks about?” you seemed somewhat anxious. I wonder if I could tease you more. Just a little more.

“Owh, just random stuff.” I took a glimpse at your expression. You seemed pretty annoyed, gritting your teeth that way. I smiled secretly. Looks like the teasing paid off. “He just said how much he admires you.” I couldn’t tease you anymore, or my meal might be taken away. Your face brightened up as you smile.

I stopped and looked at you. Just for a moment, as the light of the sun touched you, you seemed to… glow. Your golden brown hair just smoldered and your porcelain skin was amazingly luminous. You seemed as if you were born to this world just to be beautiful. Wait, what the hell I was saying?

“Are… you okay?” you seemed worried, with that knitted eyebrows of yours.

“Would you… like to be my model?”