chaptre 5

the party was a success. I thought that Adam would throw a party that rocks the hell out of this town, but apparently it was for his business associates. he already paid me an advance so that I wouldn't change my mind in the last minute. you were there as well, looking around and getting to know people. seeing you smile so easily at others made my heart pounded so hard that it hurt too much.

"something wrong?" antoniette, daughter of an aristocrat if I’m not mistaken. she just had a few shot of scotch and still sober. she's really good with alcohol I guessed.

"why would you say such a thing?" I gave her the widest business smile.

"your eyebrows are scrunched together. it's scaring people away," she commented, while taking another sip of her drink.

"ah, I’m very sorry about that".

"don't be. you look cool". she smiled sheepishly. I really don't understand women's way of thinking, though I am one myself. it seemed that no matter what men do to them, they would always forgive so easily. I know so as many had mistaken me for the opposite sex in the past.

"how can I be complimented by someone as beautiful as you?" she was clearly embarrassed as her cheeks turn bright red. well, one thing in common is that either men or women like to be praised.

"let go, I said," voices were heard. I can't pinpoint who was the owner of that voice; the bar was swarming with people. but I knew it wasn't you. so I tried to ignore it. after all, the security will take care of it.

"sir, with all due respect, please let him go," you just have to interfere, do you? now it had reared up my interest. so I searched for you, and it wasn't that hard at all. 

"shut up. aren't you used to this kind of roughness? and I’m haven't even begin," a maniac it seemed. if I’m not mistaken, he was a rather influential politician. he looked drunk, with a flustered face and sweats all over his fat face. he was holding a younger gentleman, though I’m not sure who he was. 

"sir, please do not insult our kind that way". obviously you were angry, though you did try your best not to show it. it was the first time I’ve seen you that flushed. 

"hmph! I’ll do whatever I want with him, since I’ve already paid him. or would you like to be his substitute?" he grabbed you off guard by the wrist. with your body, of course you don't have a chance. you were pinned down in the middle of the crowd. he yanked your blazer and almost ripped your shirt. you were struggling but to no avail.

"please stop!" you begged, while looking at those people, asking for help. but none of them would budge.

that's it! thought I. how could they have watched you being treated like that? they were scared, of course. of that man influence. everybody was so busy saving their ass till they didn't care about others. just like that time...

I jumped across the counter and walked briskly towards you. catching him flat-footed, I easily yanked him off you and throw him on the ground. 

"you bastard!" Waverly, he dashed at me and threw a punch. but he missed it by a mile and his punch only hit the air from where I was standing. with a change of steps, I locked his punching arm and brought it to his back and pushed him down. Lock and tight. always think fast. good thing I remembered it. looks like the training wasn't a waste after all.

"let me go. do you know who I am?!" his shouts were as noisy as ever. and it hurt my eardrums as well. it's because I know who you are that I didn't punch you in the face, you ungrateful bastard!

"you can let him go now," Adam appeared out of the blue, with securities. you're early, I thought mockingly. I let his hand go and stood up. but it seemed that he still wanted to put on a fight as he tried to punch me the second time. this time, I didn't hold back. I grabbed his stubby hands and pulled him closer to me. he stumbled towards me as he tried to regain balance, but I was quicker. a kicked was sent to his groin, and that had him collapsing the second time, holding his precious little self. looking at him like that, I felt like he was bowing to me and it nauseated me. I turned to Adam and patted him on the shoulder. he got the message and gave and oks sign. then, I took my place at the counter.

...

"that was... well, something," Adam met me after the party was over. I stayed behind to help the cleaning. he was having a drink by the counter, with his shirt out and tie loosened. it was a very... alluring sight, I supposed. well-built and sun-kissed skin, no wonder he was the crazy talk of the women that came. and I was pretty sure not only them, but you felt the same as well, wasn't it?

"sorry. it ruined the party," I said without looking at him. I still remembered how easily he held you last night. I couldn't help myself thinking what were you doing with him beyond the bar's door. thinking this, I couldn't help but feeling angry. but I didn't know to whom this rage is, nor the reason why.

"nah, don't worry 'bout it. it was quite a show. besides, all of the guests were talking about how a brave knight saved two princesses in a ball of the night". so I’m a knight now? honestly, Adam. the way you spoke was really something from a Shakespeare. never knew you had them in you, Adam.

"urm, jo," you appeared with the young gentleman behind you. he looked so fragile, and even smaller than I am. is he underage? but his good looks were really rare. no wonder that old, perverted geezer was slobbering over him.

"do you need a drink too?" I asked as I continued with my work. I couldn't face you. no, I wouldn't was more appropriate. 

"urm... no thanks. do you have a minute?" for you, I would give my entire life devoted for you.

"why don't you sit down? I’ll finish in a minute" still not looking at you. you probably noticed it but you seemed to ignore it. but sometimes I caught you looking at me. when you noticed that I was looking at you, you quickly turned away. I let out a sigh.

"so, what is it?" I asked of you as I placed a drink for you and that gentleman. Adam was still there too. I guess he was eager to listen and butting in our talk later. I helped myself to a smoke as I leaned my back towards the shelf. 

"thank... you for earlier tonight," the gentleman besides you finally spoke. he had a wonderful voice. like a nightingale. 

"I didn't do it for you". I did it for you.

"owh," he blushed. “either way, I owe it to you". he looked away, blushed. this might be fun to tease.

"hey," I leaned forward so that I could get close to him. he was apparently startled as he backed away. "what's your name?"

"erm... it's gemma".

"is that your real name?" he nodded. precious stone, huh? a gem indeed.

"gemma," as I tilt his face. I really dislike it when people are not looking who they were talking to. he blushed, but didn't pull back, which made me a little bit relieved. I thought he would do the same as you, back when I first touch you.

"you really are beautiful" I said as I kissed his forehead. he turned completely red, even covered his mouth when he gasped. my, my. this is really fun, I thought. 

"my reward for being your knight," I winked at him and smiled. he blushed even more, if that even possible.

"setting on a prey already?" Adam suddenly butted in. right; I forgot he was there as well. annoyed, I continued my work without paying him any attention.

"just teasing," I smiled. I glanced at you as you were trying to calm gemma down. he held a grip at you so tight, and obviously I looked away. Adam probably saw it as he gave a peculiar look. 

"well, you shouldn't tease too much. he still new at this,” now you were defending him, with that angry look on your face. new you say? so he was your colleague at work. he might be useful.

"I can't touch you, now can I?" since the one I want so badly was you. but you just had to have that phobia of yours.

"what's that supposed to mean?" 

you banged the counter so hard that it shook the glasses. you pushed gemma aside as you stood there looking straight at me. gemma was evidently surprised by the sudden change of behaviour. and Adam as well. me? of course I was too. so much that I stopped what I was doing, which really looked awkward by the way. a glass in midair like that. but I was too focused on you to even realize how dumb I must have looked.

you seemed to notice the stare everyone was giving, so you turned around.

"excuse me," and you walked away leaving us dumb-founded.

"wow, never seen him so worked up before," Adam casually uttered it as he sipped his drink, looking at me. what, now I’m the one who's at fault?

"fine, I’ll go talk to him," I put down the glass and tried to catch up on you. before I left, I could hear Adam was saying something, "this could be interesting".

there you were at the veranda, looking over the maze garden. the sky was bright with the light of the moon and the stars that seemed to shield the moon from creatures of the night. I could see that your shoulders were tense. did I do that to you? what should I say to ease that tense? I was never good with words to begin with. 

"it's beautiful, isn't it?" you broke the silence between us, but your back was still facing me. you were mad at me, I got the message already. I light up a smoke and let you be.

"yeah." you turned to face me with a grim expression. 

"girl isn't supposed to smoke". I looked at you questioningly. after all this while, you bring this up now? is what I thought. 

"and man isn't supposed to sleep with another man". you seemed furious with my remarks.

"sorry. spur of the moment. I didn't come here to make you angry," though that's all I did to you.

"imp... not angry," as you turned away and fixed your eyes on the moon. a sense of loneliness in those eyes lingered out." I’m upset". isn't it the same thing?

"with me?" the chill of the night started to affect me. and I didn't bring my coat. curse this thin garment. you looked at me, and gave me your coat. I took it, carefully not to touch you. you leaned your back on the wall, next to me. 

"I don't know why I’m upset". you started chatting." ever since I met you, I’ve been restless. it's so mixed up. I... I don't know what to do anymore". you slumped and hugged your knees tightly. you looked like a lost child to me." i'm starting to hate this phobia of mine."

"and why is that?"

"because it hurts me when you can get along with others while they easily touch you but I can't". 

I looked at you sharply. so you had been thinking the same way I did? so, our feelings are mutual then? no, I shouldn't get my hopes too high. in fact, I shouldn't be hoping at all. I knew from the start that this wasn't going to work. but I know too well. I’m in too deep. way past rock-bottom. it's infinity. since when that I’ve been feeling this way towards you? I thought it was the fun of teasing that got me. so it was different with you, huh?

"it can't be help," I finally said. “it wasn't your fault you have gynophobia".

"I think it is". as you told me your side of story, I can't help but remembering the past. my past...

"I was... raped" I kept silence, while sitting next to you, lighting another smoke. you were hesitant to continue.

"you don't have to force yourself". looking at you in so much pain hurt me too.

"no, I want you to know. I’ve never told anyone but you".

"are you sure? you just met me".

"I know. it's crazy right? but I feel like telling anyway. so if you don't wanna hear it, you can pretend to be deaf or something".

"do what you like," I said after the long silence. and you began your story after you let out a long deep sigh.

...

it started when mom accused dad of having an affair, though he denied it whole-heartedly. she was a jealous type, and couldn't control her jealousy. she always suspected dad when he was talking to another woman. mom would cry in the middle of the night when dad wasn't at home, mumbling about how he must have sleep with all those women.  as a kid, of course I was worried about mom. as I check up on her, she would throw all her anger at me and abused me, because she said that I looked nothing like her. she started suspecting that I was an illegimate child. the child born from the mistress's womb and not hers. how could she have said such a thing right? but I was only three, so I didn't understand. I thought they fought because I was a bad kid and I deserved to be punished. 

the abuse escalated throughout the year. sometimes, she would grab a knife from the kitchen and sliced my skin. and hers too. she was going senile know. but I don't have the heart to just leave her alone. when dad died, she got worse. when I was fifteen, she started using me as a sex relief. she would tie my hands and feet so I won't run away. she stuffed my mouth so that I wouldn't scream for help. she fed me with hateful words, saying that this is a punishment for me. no one would love me and save me. no matter how many times I begged her to stop, she wouldn't listen. It went on for months. I couldn't tell anyone because I was scared. I was scared of what mom was saying were true.

but then one night, everything change. I was away from home that summer for a school trip, or something. when I got home, I found mom had hanged herself in my room, leaving me alone.

...

as you finished your story, tears had already pouring down on your cheeks. I took a napkin from my pocket and gave it to you. 

"since when you noticed the phobia?" I asked after you seemed to calm down a little.

"I didn't. my friends told me". you blew your nose on my handkerchief. well, there goes my new hanky.

"I think that your mother was jealous of you". you looked at me, puzzled. you must have been wondering how did I come to that conclusion. well, get ready. my explanation will much more bizarre.

"you're beautiful. more than the finest women I’ve ever known. your personality attracts others to get closer to you. you're an amazing person, inside and out. if I were her, I would do anything to keep you from being stolen away from me".

you stared at me, bewildered. then you chuckled, which turns into a big laugh. you were laughing so hard that tears started to fall again. 

"see, you're smiling again". I looked at you as you stopped in the middle of your laughter and looked at me. then, you smiled at me gently.

"thank you".

"for what?"

"for everything".

and then, the unexpected happened.

you kissed me.